Happy New Year

I sit here with a nice warm cup of hot chocolate and think about the season just past. I’m not reflective or maudlin in any way but I do feel a bit nostalgic for years past. When our lives were universally different and peace was only a thought. When we would dream of moving to a place where we could be quiet and happy and then go back to what we were doing to survive the noise and bustle of city life. I wish I had not picked up the phone when the call came to tell me of the accident. I wish I could somehow turn the clock back and have a do over for that summer but with the knowledge I have now. In fact I would go back even further with my wisdom intact, and my inspiration in front of me. I would not go out of my way to change things but because I would be armed with knowing the future, of course my actions would change and thus the domino effect would take place. So here is the conundrum. Would my acting differently, thereby changing outcomes, make things better or worse? Would I be sitting in my new future wondering how the hell I got there and how can I get out, or being ever so thankful for the good things that came my way?

Here’s a funny answer to that. I have grown so much as an individual that I could not feature things being any different. I wouldn’t wish the circumstances my husband has gone through on my worst enemy but to wish they didn’t happen is useless and a waste of precious time and energy. Here we are, and here we will have to deal with. Minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. The only real choice I have in all this is whether I will face it with sadness and a feeling of hopelessness, or with a positive spirit and the strength of a willing and hopeful heart. I choose the latter. There are those who think I am crazy and unrealistic but they are wrong. Everyone is entitled to their opinion but until you walk in these shoes you can’t understand. I am not willing to let all of this get me down. I only know this has made me grow beyond even what I thought possible and I am grateful. I have always had a light but now people are actually seeing it. No it’s not a halo. That would only trip me up. It is the spirit me. The part that shines no matter what and stands us as light warriors. It is the real meaning of love and caring for our fellow humans.

I hope that the new year rings in good things for everyone and that if you have been struggling, that the effort will become easier. May your burden be lighter and a joy to carry. I have come to the conclusion that I really don’t know very much sometimes but I keep going anyway. Trying because to do less would be dishonorable. What do I know for certain? I know I’m tired and that my hot chocolate is cold. Blessings to all in the New Year.


Peace.