How to Deal!

It is just over two months now and some days seem like it was just yesterday. The tsunami's are still at times just as violent as in the beginning and they still seem to come unbidden. The one blessing is that they are further between now. I miss him so terribly but the reality is that he was truly suffering and trying so hard to stick with it because he loved me and didn't want to leave me. I couldn't ask him to continue such a battle if I truly loved him. So here I am, with mixed emotions. Trying to learn to live without my best friend. Putting on a brave face everyday and trying to not be annoyed when people keep asking me how I'm doing now. I know they mean well and I appreciate that very much but I'm lying when I say I'm doing fine.

In the past, when we were both working, our deal was that whoever got home first would cook supper. It was so nice to come home to a hot meal that I didn't have to prepare. I could just kick off my shoes and relax. Those times were so great!

I have been trying to be creative in how I cope with all of this and I think I have come up with something that fits. The above picture is one we got from Ducks Unlimited. It is a beautiful picture of a cabin in the mountains at night. The moon is reflecting off the snow capped peaks and below them is the cabin all lit up and inviting. If you look closely, you can almost see someone moving inside. Right now I am taking comfort in the thought that Wayne is getting dinner ready for me and waiting for me to come home.

Slowly, I am starting to take an interest in what is going on around me again. I have been looking for work but I don't feel pressured to do anything yet. One thing I find amazing is that I have found my laugh again. It feels so good to be able to really enjoy a joke and to laugh right out loud. There were reasons to before but I was always on guard so couldn't relax the same.

Bottom line is I am getting better. I am healing and feeling blessed by the family and friends I have. I am looking forward to a bright future and I know there is purpose to my life. One thing for certain is that I can definitely give comfort to someone else in their time of need. There is so much love to share and I feel very excited to be a part of that. We all are part of that and how wonderful that is!

Namaste!